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Oblivion Will Own Me and Death Alone Will Love Me (Void Filler)

by Short Fictions

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1.
There’ll be no more nights spent staring at the ceiling tiles No days spent inside I’ll be damned if I can make it through this grieving style with tears left to cry well I’ve been trying these past few weeks to get you off of my mind but I can’t help the way that of you all things do remind there’ll be no more nights spent staring at the TV tired those sitcoms are trite and I spent a long wishing that I’d died last year but still I survive well I’ve been trying these past few months to get a hold of you though I won’t wait I can’t relate to what you’re feeling
2.
Drunk on tour in Reno: winter, drinking staring at a slot machine, and the blinking of the flashing lights reminds me that there’s somewhere I should be I walk alone to the 7-11 there’s not free drinks at the bar, and the names and places on the post cards remind me that I’m really fucking far from my home and so far from the one I love, and is this worth it? Is this the life that I want? Making love in borrowed homesteads, drinking coffee from a vending machine, and we act like this is normal, yeah we act like this is where we’re supposed to be, but she cried when I was missing from her arms on New Year’s Eve, and I’m pulling all my hair out and I’m asking myself honestly: what am I doing here? Tell me what all this shit is for. Am I too old to sing in Short Fictions anymore? And every letter that I wrote to you in a song, I really meant it, no I wouldn’t drag you along, in heavy conversations echoing through practice space walls: I should have told you sooner Is this all fleeting? Tell me when all of this is done How can’t you love something that stands so close to your beating heart?
3.
4.
Wasting 02:26
And if the world is really ending could you please call when you get home? And if our friends are really dying you think that you’d pick up your phone / I don’t really mind that I’m wasting all my time on you
5.
I’m going to kill myself with a gun / I need a lot more money than what I have, I have none
6.
One month together on the road, so what did we expect? $10,000 on a van, we’re living check-to-check In a parking lot in Charlotte you got evicted from your home well isn’t all of this just worth it? It doesn’t seem quite so I don’t mean to ruin your life with my endeavors, I swear I ruined mine too We’ve all lost ones we loved but you can’t just sit at home and do nothing Deep in a cornfield out in Elgin you really pissed me off Walking on highways after midnight, we had to call the cops Did we break up your marriage? I might not ever really know Did you move west to get away to old Colorado? I love you, I’ve always loved you I swear that I always will Don’t let me put you out over something that can’t last forever I’m a waste
7.
Max 01:59
Stop moving time I’m sick of everybody dying young, I know that I can’t spend another night alone in my cold bedroom crying for friends no longer with me I know that it is wrong, you wouldn’t want this But I can’t help how I feel without you Pass by the funeral home everyday en route to Annie’s house, that ghost is always with me My voice will tense I try to smile my heart is racing She don’t know that I’m thinking about that late night in June I got the phone call And we were crying thinking about you down by the river in South Side
8.
Anymore 03:31
Take it back, take it back, take it back all the way / I never thought that I’d be so thoughtless / waking up all alone on your cold pissed stained floor, now I know that it’s something I don’t want anymore / When Annie calls and I hear her voice on the phone I know she cares and I never felt that way before / as if I ever deserved something so serene in my life, should it really be so surreal? I miss the way that I felt back when I was 17, back then you could break my heart and I wouldn’t feel a thing, don’t miss the way that I lived back when I was 24, and I’ll never feel unimportant anymore Later on, later on, later on in the night my spirals form and I know that I will not sleep tonight / I’ll take a walk and I’ll stand on Schenley Park pool, my prince has come and I know that it isn’t you / on Easter Day I will say exactly how that I feel, her parents gone oh I’m shaking and it doesn’t feel real / if you should ever leave me oh I don’t know what I would do, what good would living do me if I can’t spend my life with you? Days are gone when I can’t get out of bed and I’m praying to a god and I’m wishing I was dead / Don’t miss the way that felt all those many years before and I’ll never feel unimportant anymore Don’t think that I could ever / Just leave it all up to fate / and now I know I’ll never / Won’t ever act like that again, because now I know just who I am / Now I know exactly who I want to be / Now I know exactly want I want / Now I know exactly what I want and I know that it’s you [interlude lyrics taken from “Lean on Me” written by Bill Withers (1972)] Sometimes in our live, we all have pain we all have sorrow oh but I know if we are wise then we will know there’s always tomorrow / if there is a load you have to bear that you can’t carry I’m up the road, I’ll share your load, oh but you know you gotta just call me
9.
Oblivion Will Own Me and Death Alone Will Love Me
10.
“Breathtaking wasn’t she? A truly beautiful woman. Funny isn’t it? After all this time, after all that happened in Pittsburgh, I still love her.”
11.
Please don't let me love you, just because I'm feelin' blue / And please don't let me kiss you because I know you'll be untrue Because you're sweet dear, I want to love you, please stay away from my hear / And please don't let me love you, because I know you'll break my heart Please don't call me “darling”, when I know you don't love me /And please don't whisper “sweetheart”, for I know it just can't be When I'm lonely, I want you only / Where is the dream I once knew? / Oh please don't let me love you, because I know you'll be untrue

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released October 6, 2023

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